Death Means Never Again Essay # 3
“Everything is NOW on YOUR Shoulders!”
“Death Means Never Again” will you discuss important or unimportant issues or share life’s chores.
Those who still have the one they love, hear me, “Their death means your life, as you knew it, will also die! Die a thousand deaths! Nothing will ever be like it was. What you will become, that is up to God and you.”
“Essay # 3 looks at decision making “i.e. It’s all on you now!
Every decision is yours, and yours alone. Your wingman has flown home. And for me, that has, is, and continues to scare the hell out of me. I was not prepared to fly solo, not yet. And honestly, I am not so sure if anyone who deeply loves is prepared.
Yes, I know I am in the 1%: no children, spouse, siblings, aunts, uncles, or cousins. I guess that makes things worse, but I really do not know because I have nothing to compare it with. Talking with your children or other close family members may help decision-making, but sometimes it could make the process worse. That is something you will have to find out on your own. But make no mistakes…it is all on you now! Every single decision, from the most minor like what to fix for dinner, to a major (one) like downsizing or an investment change. “It’s all you baby!”
For the life-long single people, you may scoff at the depth of my gloominess but remember, Sandra was by my side since I was sixteen. I am now 75. She has been dead nineteen months, and the pain is like it was yesterday. Waking up is the hardest part of the day. In those first waking seconds, it all washes over you again, “I am alone, and you are not coming back!” We will never be together again, in this life.
As I walk down the steps in the morning I think, “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done!” All the things Sandra did around our home and yard, and for me…they are all on my shoulders now. Couples, let this sink in, “You now must do everything they did, make every decision, plan every step: cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, errands, yardwork, bill paying, auto repairs, money decisions, and more! And then, do what you have always done. But remember…NOW, there is no one to talk with. It is daunting!
Because “Sandra and I shared most, but not all of each other’s “Do’s,” making those decisions has been a bit easier, but the magnitude can be overwhelming at times. Many times! For those still together, all I can say is, talk about your “Do’s” and share with your ‘other’ the basics. Like cooking and cleaning, yard work, mechanical ‘stuff.’ Do not forget to talk about where ‘this and that’ is, and what to do with it, and how to do it. Like plumbing valves, shutoffs, who to call in emergencies when things break. Tie up your final wishes.
It is not easy, and it is time-consuming, but do not put it off. Remember, “Tomorrow Never Comes.” I wrote a whole story titled this a couple years ago. Just take the time to look at life through their eyes. Don’t avoid it or run away, embrace reality. Soon, all too soon,” One of you will be me.” And being me hurts, hurts to depths I cannot put into words.
All I can say is, “Talk, Share, and Learn.” Because, “Death means …it’s now all on YOUR shoulders!”
That is, it for Essay # 3! I hope I have given you things to think about, or raised some questions.
I look forward to your input and questions. For those who are already ‘me,’ share how you deal with life, and for those who are soon to be ‘me,’ no questions are off the table.
I will end with this scripture:
James 1:12 “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.”
Three Dog Night had it right – ”One is the loneliest…”
Until next time,
Mike