In Search of Sandra’s Spirit
A Journey through love and honor
She was christened “Sandra Jean Hahn.” We met in high school when I was 16 and she was 15. We were together for the next 57 years. We were married on July 1, 1972. She died on February 27, 2023. She was only 72. On her side of our grave marker is an image of a peony. Keep this in mind.
To say gardening was her passion is an understatement. From early spring through late fall, she was in her gardens planning, planting, transplanting, snipping and clipping. She was happiest on her knees, with her hands in the soil. During the winter, she was planning for spring.
As a true gardener, she enjoyed all forms of beauty, but at an early age developed a passion for peonies, as reflected in her auto license plate, “PEONIES.” When we had our small farm in southern Virginia, Sandra had over 30 varieties, not plants, of peonies. When we returned to the city of our childhood (Clarksburg, WV) in 2005, she brought 20 of these varieties with her. The night before we left, she was out digging and potting for the trip home.
For the next 18 years, she took a small urban lot and transformed it into a botanical garden, with peonies and boxwoods the focal points. She knew all their (peonies) names and spent hours talking with them. One of her favorites, until the next favorite, was a piece from her grandmother’s – an heirloom white peony we called “Maggie Ogden,” in horror of her grandmother. Her grandmother just called it, “Her white peony.” Soon, I hope to actually identify her by proper name.
In 2019, our world collapsed. Sandra was diagnosed with cancer. In 2023, she was dead. In her final days, I promised I would maintain our home and her beloved gardens. And, I will fulfill that promise! She trained me well.
Comes 2023: During one hot June evening in 2023, I sat in our gardens thinking, looking, and planning, much as Sandra had done for so many years. I thought about her early, mid, and late season bloomers. I had her garden plot, with all the names and diagrams. Looking at all she had created “hurt so good.” Then, I began thinking, “I want something special. A peony of my choosing that reflects her beautiful soul.” The ‘where’ (to plant) would come. It was the ‘which’ (peony)…that would take time and patience.
Because of Sandra’s teaching and guidance over the years, I knew where to start my search: The American Peony Society (americanpeonysociety.org). Once I was on their website, I knew I was able to click on Cultivars, Peony Register. Then Search.
It is now late August. I was determined to find what I felt was the perfect peony. However, when I looked at the Results at the top, I gasped…1 – 7,686 selections. But then I remembered why I was there and a line from the movie Kung Fu where Master Po says, “Patience young grasshopper.” So, it began…my search for the perfect peony, at least perfect for me.
# 1…A La Mode through # 25 Abrahan Lincoln. The ones without an image, I searched by Cultivator and Originator, until I found an image. I did not know what I was looking for, but I would know it when I saw it. The first day, I worked through the ‘E’s’ until my eyes blurred. Over the next several days the process was the same: F’s – K’s. L’s – R’s. Image…Cultivator…Originator. All beautiful. But none the right one.
On day four, fatigue was setting in as I began the S’s…Salmon Jazz was almost there, but not quite. Then, my eyes snapped, and my heart skipped for I found what I was looking for. This is the one! How perfect… Sandra’s Spirit. So beautiful, gentle, yet strong.
This is what was written about her, “The stems are glabrous and thick. Though the plant stands without support it has a spreading or open crown. Height 70 cm (28″). The light pink flowers are neither cupped nor flat but present with the exterior petals flexed backwards as the flower ages. Petal substance is stiff, and the flowers hold their colour very well over time. Two to 3 flowers per stem. Appears to resist early frost damage very well and reliably produces perfectly formed symmetrical flowers. The centre flares are discrete and are an intensifying salmon pink which gives the flowers greater visual depth. The filament ring is generous and tidy.” – American Peony Society
The perfect peony, at least for me. She reflects the beautiful soul and ‘spirit’ of my wife, Sandra
My first step was complete: I found the perfect peony. Now, my second step, which was my first, only repeated… “actually find the perfect peony:” “Just go to Sandra’s reliable suppliers and place my order,” I said. A simple task, or so I thought. I remembered the names of a couple of her suppliers: Adelman Peony Gardens, Blossom Hill, Breck’s, and Spring Hill. To my “shock and awe,” none of them had Sandra’s Spirit. A little concerned but not worried, I went to the American Peony Society’s Vendor Website Links, of which there were 72. I immediately eliminated the ones in Canada and overseas due to the difficulty with shipping and inspections. One – by – one, I found failure. None of the 72 vendors carried my peony.
Now, I am starting to seriously worry, but I remember Master Po’s words, “Patience Grasshopper.” I stopped to truly think through the search and decided to contact the American Peony Society (APS) directly, explaining in an emotionally filled message, why I was , “In Search of Sandra’s Spirit.”
It is now early September. I composed a short but direct email and entered it into the Contact section of their dropdown menu. To my surprise, I received a very quick reply from their Correspondent Secretary (Sheryl) saying, “I see that Sandra’s Spirit was introduced in Canada. I will forward your inquiry to our Board Member from Canada. “
In the meantime, on my own, I discovered that this peony was cultivated by La Pivoinerie d’ Aoust in Quebec in 2010. Quebec??? I then Googled peony suppliers in Quebec and started through their list. No luck! However, I did learn there was a Canadian Peony Society (CPS) and sent them basically the same email as the APS. Meanwhile. I went through their vendor list: ‘Resources,’ then the ‘Vendor’ list. Again, there was disappointment.
A few days after that, I received an encouraging email from a man within the CPS, but I carelessly deleted the email and had to go back to their Corresponding Secretary. She told me his name was Nick and gave me his contact information. Nick and I connected through social media, and he said he would continue his own investigation.
In the meantime, I kept moving forward. The weeks passed. Then, on September 24, an angel came into my life. I received an email from
Kate-Lynn Clark, owner of En Fleurs www.enfleurs.ca, “Hello Michael, I have been forwarded your email from Joan, our CPS vice president, and Nick mentioned that you had conversed on social media about Sandra’s Spirit acquisition. I am the owner of En Fleurs, which purchased La Pivoinerie D’Aoust in July of 2020. In my purchase I have acquired Sandra’s Spirit, and I believe I am the only vendor on the planet to have it, which is unfortunate as it’s a lovely plant.
Your email has reached me at the right time. Sandra’s Spirit is being dug this year to further production, as I have only a few plants. I cannot promise anything yet until it is dug, but I may have a piece for you this year. If not, in three years it will be available again. I haven’t shipped out my American orders yet but will be next week. So, a short (long) note to say, you’ve reached the right person, and now I’ll see what I can do. I would really like to help you with this. I’ll let you know as soon as I’ve dug them.” – Kate-Lynn (Photo right)
I was overcome with joy., with tears blurring my vision, but my heart was beginning to heal. But now, the wait and the hope. I looked back in her email, “I cannot promise anything… three years until it will be available again… No promises” Three years. My age. Yeah, the days were long. And my thoughts were confused. But all I could do was wait.
Then, on September 30th, Kate-Lynn sent this, “I have very good news. I have a beautiful piece of Sandra’s Spirit for you. I was able to divide my plant into 6 pieces. One will go to the Sandra whom the plant was named after, one to you, and I’ll put the rest into production for sale in 3 years.” That night, I sat a long time in the garden with a cigar in one hand and a scotch in the other…celebrating and talking with Sandra.
In the days after that email, Kate – Lynn explained the process and inspections necessary for Sandra’s Spirit to cross from Canada to the United States. We had a date, then the inspector did not show. Another week has gone by.
Then, Kate-Lynn informed me that she had (finally) passed inspection, and Sandra’s Spirit was on her way to the United States. Finally, on 
October 16th, five days after Sandra’s birthday, this arrived on my porch. I could not unbox her fast enough.
She was beautiful. With the space already selected and the bed prepared, I rushed to the garden. There was so much joy in my heart as I was on my knees, carefully laying her down, with a little bone meal mixed under her. I gently added and patted the soil until it was done. Sandra’s Spirit was laid to rest in her permanent home.
I stood over her praying, crying, talking, and praying some more. I ended with this “Dear Lord, God, Father of us all, my search is over. If it is Your will, allow her to spread her arms and legs and grow beautiful and strong. Strong of stalk. Beautiful. With soft pink petals that dance in the wind. Bright and tidy centers – Sandra’s Spirit. If it is to be, she and I will have many conversations in my remaining years.” If it is His will, no matter where I sit or stand in Sandra’s gardens, I will be able to cast my eyes upon her spirit. A special place. A special peony. Honoring a special woman.
Yes, it was quite a journey. I never once thought about turning back. Sure, there were setbacks and disappointments, but I kept looking at the goal and I knew I could not give up. The weather is starting to warm in north central West Virginia and there are many signs that spring is on its way. But the one thing that will help heal my broken heart is to see those tiny red tips of Sandra’s Spirit poking their heads through the rich earth. Another wait. But that is what gardeners do.
To Kate-Lynn, I do believe in angels, and I believe God sends them to us in many forms. Thank you. Thank you for being you. If the sun,
moon, and stars line up, I do hope to one day visit Brownsburg-Chatham, Quebec and walk the gardens of En Fleurs https://www.enfleurs.ca/
To the readers of this story, thank you for joining me on this journey of love and honor. I do look forward to your comments. Please contact me on Facebook – Michael Lambiotte or by email: [email protected]
May blooms fill your hearts.
Michael
(En Fleur Gardens, Quebec)
Note: This piece will appear in the August issue of “The Canadian Peony Society” magazine.
NOW…fast forward to April 30, 2025
Sandra’s Spirit was planted on October 16, 2024. I made sure she had a good warm bed for the long winter. And, a long winter it was in North Central West Virginia. Our winter was gray, cold then warm, and with plenty of snow. A typical West Virginia winter. I remember Sandra saying more than once, “The snow brings drink and warmth for the spring flowers. Let it snow, so they can grow.”
Almost daily, weather permitting, I visited Sandra’s Spirit and always said this prayer, ‘God, father of us all, please allow Sandra’ Spirit to spread her arms and grow into a strong beautiful girl, just like my Sandra. Tell her I love her more.” All I could do was pray and have conversations.
Finally, the snows became few. Then, I knew spring was near when I saw the snowdrops blooming. They were followed by the daffodils and tete – a – tete’s poking their heads through the soil. It is now earlyMarch, and every day I visit, stooping ever closer to see if there are any emerging signs. I pray, cry a little bit, sometimes a lot, but always ask for God’s hands. Nothing so far.
It is now mid-March and still nothing. I am in the gardens daily, following Sandra’s monthly instructions as to what needs and should be done each month. Morning and night, I visit, and water when necessary. It is now almost the end of March and concerns are mounting. Before I went to church on Sunday March 30th, I stopped by and said, “Good morning, Spirit. God, please allow her to reach to the sky.
Mid-way though the church service, it began to rain and did not let up till early evening. With the rain stopping and the temperature very mild, I poured two fingers of Johnny Walker and headed outside to see what the rain had nourished. Water from Heaven is always better than from a can. Early blooming Daffodils were already up and blooming. The mid-bloomers were up but no sets. I went to visit and encourage Sandra’s Spirit. As I knelt to say, “I love you,” my heart burst with joy. There before me were two small red buds pushing through the spoil. Sandra was reaching upward. Oh, how I swelled with joy!
When she was put to bed last fall, I said this prayer, “Dear Lord, God, Father of us all, my search is over. If it is Your will, allow her to spread her arms and legs and grow beautiful and strong. Strong of stalk. Beautiful. With soft pink petals that dance in the wind. Bright and tidy centers – Sandra’s Spirit. If it is to be, she and I will have many conversations in my remaining years.”
God, you have given me such joy seeing Sandra’s Spirit reaching through your rich soil. The happiness she will provide in the coming weeks, months, and if You grant…years. I have no words.
This has been such a journey, one guided by “love and honor.”
Finally, after two years, I have found true joy and happiness…and hope… hope for the future.
Until we are together again. “I love you more.” (a dime for size comparison)
Mike
Finally, Kate-Lynn Clark of En Fleurs sent this short video to me shortly after it was confirmed she would be able to divide Sandra’s Spirit. If time permits, “click” and see why I am so in love. Video from En Fleurs